And before you realize it, it's engrained in your head and nearly impossible to change. This sounds ridiculous to most people.but at some point in the lives of those who struggle with these thoughts, there were events or invalidations that form this pattern of thinking. My mind is an awful place, I constantly put every problem in my life on me and things are always my fault which turns into constant self loathing. The interview where Chester talked about how it's terrible being in his head (or along those lines) was in a sense comforting to me. Now I play it constantly because the song describes my struggles perfectly. But once I listened to the lyrics a bit more, it started to hit me emotionally more and more each time. When I first heard their new songs I didn't have much interest because I was used to their old style. "Why is everything so heavy?" - this could be people dealing with mental illnesses asking themselves "why does it have to be this way?" or "why does everything have to be so yes, yes.
I think the entire title the chorus can be deciphered into the main theme. The video ends with Kiiara lightly touching Chester's arm, as if she's finally found someone that understands what it's like to be constantly 'at war' with yourself. Though before she enters, she hesitates and seems nervous when she covers her face (which could be an example of overthinking and anxiousness.)
Kiiara then quietly follows him to the bathroom, finds him sitting in a mess of broken mirror glass and clutching his head, and sits down next to him. This happens shortly before we see him metaphorically attack himself. The words he says here are: "I drive myself crazy, thinking everything's about me." This could be expressing how he doesn't know why he is the way he is, and he overthinks it to the point of going 'crazy'. Then we see Chester, screaming (singing) at himself in the mirror. When Kiiara sees this, she seems very calm or at least indifferent, unlike the rest of the group. When he goes to the meeting where Kiiara is, he causes a fight with another participant and ends up storming out of the room to the men's room to calm down. He is seen screaming at himself and breaking glass over the table before leaving the house casually. In the video, his character is shown to lash out and be physically violent, even if he's alone. She portrays the less physical - but still as serious - side of mental health issues.Ĭhester's character seems to have anger issues, or something known as intermittent explosive disorder (IED). Kiiara's character could possibly suffer from schizophrenia or intense paranoia or even severe anxiety. Both could be dealing with mental health issues, and both seem to be at war with themselves. My InterpretationI think this song can be interpreted many ways, but the way I see it is that there's two sides of the song Kiiara's side and Chester's side (the song's characters). Holding on to so much more than I can carry. I know I'm not the center of the universe,īut you keep spinning round me just the same.
It’s not like I make the choice to let my mind stay so fucking messy. I keep dragging around what's bringing me down,īut I’m pretty sure the world is out to get me. Holding on to much more than I can carry. I wanna let go but there’s comfort in the panic. Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary.
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